Excerpt// Chapter 1. Never Beg for Love

Excerpt from my new book, ‘30 Things Before 30’

There was a time when I would have given every fiber of my being — mind, body, heart, and soul — to keep the person with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life. Once, I stood in my driveway and watched him hop into his Jeep. As he drove away, I knelt down on the pavement, sobbing, begging him to not leave.

But he wasn’t there to hear me.

Days and nights passed as I stared at my phone, hoping that it would light up and make the “pop!” sound of an incoming text. I longed for the text to be from him, telling me that he wanted to take it all back.

At the lowest point after the breakup, I just laid in bed. I lost nearly ten pounds in a week. I was starving. He had consumed me. Our playlist hummed in the background as I stared up at the ceiling. Perhaps if I prayed hard enough to whoever was up there, he would come back and say that it was all a lapse in judgment.

One day, he did return. He came back to tell me that this was it.

There he was, just a shell. A shell I loved more than I could ever put into words. I don’t know how someone could have a flame that once burned so deeply for you and then have it so quickly extinguished. It felt like I was hugging a stranger as I tried to hug him hello. He phone, hoping that it would light up and make the “pop!” sound of an incoming text. I longed for the text to be from him, telling me that he…